real life script from the sales office

Pamperin’ at Studio London?

By John Stiles

TENSE BOSS:
Stick to the script n pick a voice that works, ‘Kay?

[LAZY STORK starts writing.]

THE SQUEAKY ONE
(screams!)
Yes, man, I said ‘Free’, A FREE pamperin’
session at Studio London. This is thin going man!

[LAZY STORK stops writing. LEAVES.]

TENSE BOSS:
Where’s he goin’ now?

NICE EDWARD:
Loo?

[MOMENTARY LAPSE IN CHATTER]

THE SQUEAKY ONE
Anyone speak with a Tanya?

[LAZY STORK RETURNS. Sits.]

LAZY STORK
Few days ago…

CHEESEMAN
She’s mine. Tell her I’m on the other line!

TENSE BOSS
You sure?

CHEESEMAN
May a thousand fleas infest my armpits if I am wrong.

[Knowing glance from THE SQUEAKY ONE and LAZY STORK.]

ZATHAN BIG BUM:
(heated, more intense)
Lovely. Then we’ll pop open the bubbly for you. You can
Sit n relax on leather bound sofas for a relaxing tipple…
(WINKS)
slap n tickle…

CHEESEMAN:
Maestro or Solo? The name and fourteen digits on the front of the card…

THE SQUEAKY ONE
Yes, of course we do plus size models!

TENSE BOSS
ZATHAN is on his third deal, Mr!

[LAZY STORK, mulls]

TENSE BOSS
Start reading the script. Word for word.

LAZY STORK
(Reads)
Experienced expert man sought for afternoons of Lusciousness
Central London. No pressure involved.

THE SQUEAKY ONE
I want that script…

LAZY STORK
(Stares)

TBC in ELLIOT AT BAY